Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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