she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize