I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
