Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
