my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
