$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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