She announced her abortion via fbk
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
