you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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