I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
