i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
