how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
