Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
