my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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