on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
there is puke in my bra ... again
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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