I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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