Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
