Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Randomize
