EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
