Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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