Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
