Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
