saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
