This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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