Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
