He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
