I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
