I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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