I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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