I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
