Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i will never coherently bang her
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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