I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
