Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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