ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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