at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
