I want to make a zoo with you.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
