Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
