toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
