The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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