i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
