That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
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I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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