woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
