Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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