Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
