I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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