We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
