Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
