dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
