he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
