our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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