I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
