Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
