i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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