I'm pants shitting drunk right now
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
