the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
