youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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