The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
