I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize