There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
