was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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