then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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