Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
