You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
