I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
