I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
