it was like his penis was on wheels.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
