To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
