Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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