I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
