So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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