arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
