So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
