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I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Barsexuality is the new black.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
